Shipping policy

Spend $75 or more and shipping is on us.

Because if you’re already spending that much, charging you for shipping too just feels rude.

Orders are usually processed within 2–5 business days.

Yes, we know you want it immediately. We would too.

During holidays, promotions, or other chaotic moments, processing may take a little longer. We promise we’re not just staring at your order.

Once your order ships, delivery typically takes 4–8 business days, depending on your location and the shipping method selected at checkout.

Unfortunately, we have not yet mastered teleportation.

You’ll receive tracking information once your order ships, so you can refresh the tracking page 47 times a day like the rest of us.

Payments are processed through a secure, encrypted checkout system.

Your payment information is protected. Your questionable spending decisions are between you and your bank.

Delivery dates are estimates, not legally binding promises written in stone.

Carrier delays, bad weather like El Niño, holiday madness, and other things completely outside our control may slow things down.

We’ll do our part to get your order moving as quickly as possible.

After that, we politely hand the responsibility over to the shipping gods.

I can also push this another 20–30% more sarcastic and edgy so it feels even more like a distinctive Lift & Complain brand voice.